Fear of Falling Apart

11:31:00 AM Arianne 0 Comments

We all have fears, some more than others. 

One thing I found that inadvertently helped with my mood swings was birth control. It not only regulated Mother Nature, but it also regulated my mind. Can you imagine my fear whenever I would consider going off of the pill?

The fear was overwhelming that I would simply run away from it. I was afraid of my own mind. I was afraid it would eat me up and I'd be stuck. 

New year, new possibilities, right? 

As part of my new year's resolutions, I wanted to meditate 300 days in 2017, and so far so good. So good, in fact, that it'd given me the strength to truly consider stopping an unnecessary medication. I have heard of side effects after going off of the pill, such as hormonal imbalance and depression. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still afraid. Heck, I wrote this post because I wanted an outlet.

However, after about five days of not taking the placebo pills, my mind continued to be stable, whereas a year or so ago, it would have already spiraled down an ugly path after day two.

So, once again, I found hope in something I thought was hopeless. Whoever you are reading this, you have no idea how incredible this realization felt. To finally be able to have hope that my mind wouldn't crash and burn, it was monumental. 

"Gosh, you are such a drama queen."

Say what you want, but to someone who'd lived in fear of herself for so long, this progress was important to me. If you're reading this and you're struggling, know that there's hope, but you have to also help yourself. For me, I found that meditation was effective. It may not be for you, but please don't give up in finding what works, because once you find it, you'd be as emotional as I felt writing this post. It would be a good kind of emotion, though. I promise.

x Ayre